Cyborg

Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Deborah Richter, Vincent Klyn and Dayle Haddon this movie is generally a long series of fights strung along a very thin plot if it could really be called that.

The movie largely centers on Van Damme who plays Rickenbacker, a slinger as he travels to seek revenge on Fender (played by Klyn) and his cannibalistic pirates who have kidnapped Pearl Prohphet the half human, half robot who contains needed information on how to cure the plague that befell the world. Each of the three major players has something generally odd about them, from Van Damme's superhealing to the odd fascination in making a slightly big deal over the villain's eyes.

To be fully honest, the pirates come off more as...deranged pirates. The cannibalism seems far more downplayed. Even then, the timeline is a tad annoying as we often get flashbacks, some repetitive in the case of Rickenbacker's. It's almost as if they didn't know what to do and so they decided to fill time by showing us the same flashback story over and over but the last time showing us the full thing. My question is, why not just show us the entire thing once through in the start and cut to X number of years later?

Now, if this is the future...where are all the guns? Even if the world fell into ruin which prevented futuristic guns, surely that doesn't mean older models aren't still floating around? Or vehicles of some sort. Also. Why Atlanta? Of all the cities that are still...decently populated or deemed safe, why that one? Why won't the plot explain any of this! *sighs*

Another thing noticed upon this viewing, is how the same sets seem to be recycled a bit. We get two sets of beach scenes and warehouse fights. Did they just really suck at travelling or do ruins just look that similar?

Something I don't understand is how halfway in the film, one villain is able to keep Van Damme busy long enough for backup to arrive and subdue him. Yet earlier, he was able to take on multiple other pirates. Did the other just suck that badly? And why didn't the pirate leader just use that plan right away if it's so effective?

Based off all these questions, it's hard to really say anything good about the plot when so much could have been done to better explain the current state of the world other than the quite brief overview we receive as the film opens.

Now, as we reach the end, Van Damme is nailed up on a cross. Yet minutes later in Atlanta his wounds seem healed, however we are given no indication of how much time has passed. Has it been days? Weeks? How did he heal so fast after having things nailed through his arms? If they're in the city why is there no backup from good guys? One final question would be...why the hell does Van Damme succeed against the pirates this time after getting his ass kicked last time by one guy and cavalry who stood and watched? *headdesk* Logic. It seems to be lacking here.

The fight against the leader, Fender is quite long and just when you think he's dead, the bugger gets right back up and keeps on going as if he were related to Jason or Freddy. Please, just die now and stay dead so we can wrap this movie up before any more oddities can jump out at me. Oh wait. Too late. The lead? Doctor stands there and greets Pearl home. So did they not realize she was outside nearly dying? Do they not have some form of guards who could have helped?

Ultimately, as is predictable, Van Damme succeeds in taking revenge on Fender and safely returns Pearl Prophet to Atlanta's doctors so that the cure can (hopefully) be created. All in all it's not one of the greatest action films, nor is it one of the best martial arts ones out there. Perhaps if a few things were changed it would be better.

Yours, Mine and Ours (2005)

Today's review takes us through 2005's, Yours, Mine and Ours starring Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo.

Initially, it comes off as just a slightly larger version of Cheaper By the Dozen, and it really isn't anything we haven't seen before with the former. Aside from a pig for a pet and slightly more kids.

Dennis Quaid plays a by the books Admiral who is a tad....zealous in everything and runs his kids like they belong in the military. Rene Russo on the other hand plays the complete opposite, a completely open and hippy type of mother who thrives off a cluttered workplace.

The following 87 minutes is a pretty predictable romp as the two sets of kids instantly clash and do everything in their power to drive each other crazy. That is until they decide to drive their parents apart instead.

Most of the movie centers on the mayhem caused by the eighteen kids, whether it's them causing chaos in the hardware store or wrecking their new home. Most stunts are reminiscent of Home Alone and Cheaper By the Dozen, some of which often involve in Dennis Quaid falling into or onto goo.

For the most part, Quaid and Russo manage to carry themselves pretty well, even having a resemblance of chemistry but a predictable plot and rather poor script works against them. The eldest kids also manage to do rather well, even if they fall into basic stereotypes that we are pretty familiar with but somehow manage to trudge on through.

Ultimately, it's not one of the best comedies out there as most of the jokes and gags are unfunny and repetitive. It's also pretty hard to care about 90% of the kids when they get barely enough screen time to develop or are just far too similar to each other to note any difference.

It Was A Short Summer, Charlie Brown

Originally created in 1950 as a comic strip, Peanuts centers around Charlie Brown and his friends. Charlie Brown, or "Chuck" as he's often called, is a kind child who just happens to be pretty unlucky in life. Often joining him is his imaginative pet Snoopy, and Linus his best friend who has a habit of always carrying around a blue blanket. Also part of the main group is Schroeder the fledgling pianist, Lucy who is well known for taking joy in Charlie Browns mistakes, Peppermint Patty the tomboy of the girls and Sally, Charlie's younger sister who has a crush on Linus. Rounding out the gang includes Violet who drives Charlie Brown crazy, Frieda who proudly wears curly hair and Pigpen who's arrival is generally announced by swirls of dirt and is much like his namesake.

The interesting thing to note about the Peanuts shorts is just how adult the kids often talk, using a vocabulary where even I at times have to look something up. As well, the world generally lacks visible adults. Rarely do we see any of the parents, and even then just partially. Perhaps the most recognizable is the teacher, Miss Halverson who is well known for her "wah-wah wah" manner of speaking.

Moving onto the review itself, the first of six shorts from the 1960's collection which contains the more iconic featurette's of the gang. While it will be some time until I get around to the Christmas and Halloween specials, for now I present "It Was A Short Summer, Charlie Brown"



Featurette: It Was A Short Summer, Charlie Brown
First Aired: September 27th 1969
Runtime: 25:16

We actually start on the opening day of school where after being caught playing Hangman, Linus and Charlie Brown earn the class a 500 Word essay on what they did during the summer. This is when we begin to backtrack to the events taking place months earlier through the point of view of Charlie Brown, Linus and Lucy.

As it turns out, some of the kids have plans for the summer which comes to a halt when Lucy signs them all up for summer camp, much to their dismay. What follows is a fun series of competitions between the boys and the girls, from softball to nature hikes the girls dominate the poor guys.

However, in the end the boys issue one last challenge. Wrist Wrestling. It comes down to Lucy versus the Masked Marvel, aka Snoopy who is described by Peppermint Patty as the only one on their team with any athletic ability. After a bit of back and forth between the two, and many crazed looks, Snoopy finally gets the upper-hand when he kisses Lucy which causes her to flail and announce that the Masked Marvel had fouled.


A rather enjoyable featurette, like all of the early Peanuts. Though it may lack the popularity of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" or "A Charlie Brown Christmas" it still retains a feeling of nostalgia and charm. Despite the simple animation, and often changing number of campers per team, it's the simplicity that helps enhance an already charming and innocent world.